*Full disclosure – I wrote this a few nights ago when sleep escaped me, life drained me, and Jesus lovingly reminded me of who He is through it all. I still find myself in this season that feels a lot like a faith-drought, but I am waiting on my Jesus and trusting Him through this desert place*
Here I am in this season where I feel as if I’ve lost my fire, my desire, and my awe of Jesus. And here I am reading and praying and wanting so desperately to snap out of it because it feels wrong, and it feels fake.
But isn’t it funny how God seems to speak even when we don’t hear him? I’ve been reading the same Psalm twice a day for the past two weeks and right now it’s almost as if I’m reading it for the first time. It begins with this:
“The Lord is my Shepherd. I shall not want.”
It’s as if through this waiting for the voice of God or waiting for the “feeling” of his presence to find me again in this dry season that God simply speaks. Not in a roar or a huge rush of excitement in an ‘ah-ha’ moment, but a quiet moment at about 12:15 AM, in the dark, when I’m worn out and tired. And this is what he says to my heart –
“I am your Shepherd, you shall not want.
You want this amazing moment when you find Me after a dry season, but I just want you to rest in Me. You are worn and you are burnt out and you are exhausted. I want you to simply sit with Me. Not wanting a big show of Me, but simply waiting–not wanting–in My presence.
Allow Me to refresh your soul. Let Me, your Healer, soak up the heaviness and revive your spirit. I want to do this. I want you to let Me do this, but you must be still.
You must stop moving. Stop wanting. Stop beating yourself up because you feel like you should find Me by being swept up in a big rush of worship or revival.
I decide how and when to speak. I know what is best for you, and right now that is to remind you–gently and softly–that I am your Shepherd, your Protector, and your Provider. You don’t always need life-altering moments and heart stopping feelings.
You need Me, and you will find Me as you lie down and let Me watch and work over you, as you walk with Me by waters of rest.
I am your Shepherd. You shall not want.”
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside waters of rest.
He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.